Not Coming Back

Back in October of last year, FTVLive told you that WVIT Morning Anchor Heidi Voight had gone missing from the station’s morning newscast.

Almost 6 months later, Voight took to social media to say she’s not coming back.

She writes:

Hi, friends.

You and I have been through a lot together over the last decade. We’ve woken up to some of our state’s biggest breaking news together. We’ve shared laughs, and heartwarming and heartbreaking moments alike. You’ve trusted me with your stories, you’ve welcomed me into your homes every morning, and I hope you know I never took that supreme privilege for granted for a single day.

You’ve been by my side through life on and off-camera. From getting engaged and married, becoming a homeowner, wife and mother; through the scary journey of NICU preemie parenthood and the hilarity of toddler twin parenting, and all the highs and lows of working motherhood; to the unspeakable tragedy of my mother’s murder and the raw, real journey of grief since… you have been more than “viewers”. You’re my neighbors and friends, and I appreciate you: your heartfelt messages and advice, the hugs and whispered words of comfort in the supermarket aisle, the deeply personal stories you’ve shared with me privately of your own love and loss… our shared connection is so very real, and it means more than I can articulate.

And that’s why it’s so bittersweet for me to let you know – I won’t be returning to the morning show. It is a major life change that I have been quietly wrestling with for a while now. It’s been a difficult decision. I love what I do, and it was always my dream to do it in my beloved home state. Connecticut is my home. You are my people. And that’s not changing.

But so often over the years, particularly the last two, I’ve had countless viewers and colleagues say to me, “I don’t know how you’re doing it all.” Well, I’m here to tell you that “doing” or “having it all” is indeed a myth. Sure, you can appear to be doing it all from the outside… while dying on the inside. You can have multiple roles in your life that each deserve the best of you, and feel like you’re failing at all of them. I am many things to many others: a journalist, a morning anchor, a wife, a mother, sister, friend, daughter turned legal guardian turned griever turned fighter… but the truth is, I can no longer “do it all” on five hours of sleep a night anymore without jeopardizing my own self. Sleep deprivation has a detrimental, cumulative effect on one’s physical and mental health, and that’s true even without the PTSD I’ve been living with after confronting my mother’s killer. Eventually, it takes a toll, and ending up in the ICU last spring was my body’s way of screaming, “Enough!”

I used to say one of the perks of the morning shift was being done by noon, so I could “be there” for my kids the rest of the day. But I’ve learned there’s a difference between being simply physically present, and fully present. It’s not fair to my girls to have a constantly exhausted version of me. They’re not napping babies anymore. They’re bright, energetic little girls who deserve an engaged, joyful, and fully awake momma. (And hey, I’m sure my husband would appreciate date nights without me turning into a pumpkin by sundown.)

But the rest of my family needs me, too. The fight for justice for my mother is just beginning. The suspect arrested for her murder is sitting in prison awaiting trial, but he is not our only focus. We believe she would still be alive today were it not for some colossal failures of the criminal justice system, and there are far too many families just like ours. Our public silence the last two years should not be mistaken for surrender: We will fight for accountability and change. That may require me to step outside my role as a journalist and into my role as a daughter and advocate instead.

This is not goodbye. You’ll still see me out and about. I’ve always said news is in my DNA, so chances are I won’t be able to stay away from media in one form or another for too long. I have lots of ideas to honor my mom’s legacy somehow by giving voice to other victims and survivors of homicide, having honest conversations about grief and life after loss, and exploring new ways of impacting change through my passion for storytelling. I’m excited to explore all of that when the time is right.

But for now, I just need to hit the pause button… trade the alarm clock for the natural sunrise…and focus on a different kind of “viewer”: My two little girls, watching their momma’s every move.I am so grateful for them, for you, for all of this.

Thank you for being my friend.
I’ll see you out there.